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Asking for help isn’t easy – sometimes, it feels like the hardest thing in the world.
Sometimes, understanding what thoughts are holding us back is the key to moving forward, and the first step in feeling more mentally fit. We often carry certain beliefs that can feel like an immovable brick wall, blocking us from reaching the support we need. By identifying what’s getting in the way, we can start dismantling those bricks and take meaningful steps towards lightening the load we feel.
We chat to thousands of people every year about this topic! Here’s a look at three of the most common obstacles we know are holding people back from asking for the help they deserve, and some strategies to break down those barriers.
Fear of being judged
Stigma around mental health has a way of keeping us silent, making it easy to feel like we need to keep some things under wraps. This can lead to worry that people will judge us, think less of us, or misunderstand what we’re going through. It’s something many of us face – even though research shows that stigma is often harder than whatever challenge we’re dealing with (Corrigan & Watson, 2002).
How this might show up:
“If I ask for help, people will think there’s something wrong with me.”
“Needing help is a sign of weakness, and I should be able to handle things on my own.”
Pressure to handle it alone
Some of us were raised to believe that being strong means going it alone. This belief is especially common among men, though it exists across many communities and cultures. It’s the idea that handling things privately is best, even when outside support could make us a real difference. It’s common to think that asking for help might be seen as a sign of weakness, or as something that strong people “just don’t do.”
How this might show up:
“I should be able to figure this out on my own without bothering others.”
“Real men (or strong people) don’t ask for help – they just get through it.”
Not knowing where to start
Sometimes, we don’t seek help simply because we’re not sure what’s out there or think our problem isn’t “serious enough.” It can feel overwhelming when you’re not sure where to start, or even if your feelings are “valid” enough to reach out. But help is about supporting you where you’re at – there’s no threshold or bar you need to meet before you’re “allowed” to get help.
How this might show up:
“My problem isn’t that bad – I don’t really need professional help.”
“I wouldn’t even know where to start looking for help.”
Starting the conversation
If you’re contemplating reaching out but you’re not sure quite sure what to say, here are some ways to start the conversation. These prompts can help ease you into a supportive chat with someone you trust.
Building your Mental Fitness sometimes means leaning into the uncomfortable, and deciding to be vulnerable with someone you trust – that’s your emotional muscles starting to work.
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Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness
The more we know about these barriers, the easier it gets to break through them. By learning to spot the thoughts that are holding us back from seeking help from others, we can start to reframe them and open the door to meaningful support.
Remember, for some people, this could feel like the hardest thing they could do, so it’s important to remember that your mental fitness and wellbeing matters. If you don’t feel you can share what’s going on with someone in your village, a confidential chat with a mental health professional can offer tailored support to help you navigate challenges, and sometimes, just talking things through can bring clarity and relief. Here is a list of free resources you can access, whenever you need.
The Science of Mental Fitness
The stigma associated with mental illness is one of the most robust predictors of why people avoid seeking help, with findings showing that anticipated stigma often outweighs the benefits of seeking help. Corrigan, P. W., & Watson, A. C. (2002). The paradox of self-stigma and mental illness. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 9(1), 35-53.
Research highlights that self-stigma (internalising societal beliefs about help-seeking) significantly reduces people’s willingness to seek professional support. Vogel, D. L., Wade, N. G., & Hackler, A. H. (2007). Self-stigma and the willingness to seek counseling: The mediating roles of anticipated risks and anticipated benefits. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 54(1), 40-49.
Barriers to mental health help-seeking, particularly among adolescents, are often tied to low mental health literacy and the belief that self-reliance is the norm. Gulliver, A., Griffiths, K. M., & Christensen, H. (2010). Perceived barriers and facilitators to mental health help-seeking in young people: A systematic review. BMC Psychiatry, 10, 113.
